you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
