I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up under a house in Key West
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