I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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