If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
