I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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