listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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