i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
