is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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