Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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