the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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