is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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