just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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