i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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