so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
