Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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