i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
