Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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