im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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