What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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