Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
