i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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