Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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