Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this boner is exhausting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
