You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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