She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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