I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
