Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
