I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The air taste purple.
Randomize
