we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
