I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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