FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
