This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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