i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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