I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
