Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
