Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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