I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
