I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize