Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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