i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
