I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
