Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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