"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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