i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
