Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
