Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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