so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
only you would photoshop your dick
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
