My room smells like vodka and shame
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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