You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
