imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
