Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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