you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
