lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need water and some morals
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
