I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
