well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
