I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
