you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
