Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
