come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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