Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
