that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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