Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
