the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
