Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
