listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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