after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
