I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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