butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
