when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
