Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
