this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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