I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
