I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
