Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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