i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
