You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
