I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
