soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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