Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
