I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
