I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
