The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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