Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
barbara walters just said penis...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
