Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize