The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
