I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
