the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
