Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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