Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
