why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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