so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
