you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
