I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
