jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
