forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
