I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
