Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize